WE'RE GOING TO KENTUCKY...

I know it's been about eight months since my last post and to my avid followers, I apologize. Life, writer's block and a myriad of other things got in the way...

Turning 40 has not sat well with me...I don't want to get old...and for some reason I'm feeling as though this birthday marks a significant milestone...I really AM an adult...you would've thought the first time my daughter called me, "Mommy" I would've had that epiphany, but I didn't. Up until about four weeks ago, I still sat at the kids' table at holidays. Still enjoyed the food served in the kids room at any affair I attended over the food served in the "main dining room." Still wear no makeup, my hair in a ponytail and can sing, "We're going to Kentucky, We're going to the fair..." with the best of them. I am truly young at heart and have always lived accordingly. And yes there's been the 40-year old virgin...but the 40-year old child? I think not. 

But as I sit in my kitchen the day before my 40th birthday, staring out at the beautiful winter wonderland mother nature delivered overnight, I found myself inspired and wanting to pen a new entry...

As a resident of the tri-state area, I had the distinct pleasure of living through hurricane sandy (cue the sarcasm)...two weeks without power, moving between four houses over the course of 14 days,  explaining to my tear-stained children why we can't go home and cleaning out my fish tank of the gorgeous fish that didn't last the cold snap that enveloped my powerless house. This horrific storm reeked havoc on my life, my children's lives and most of my friends and loved ones in ways that have forever scarred us. 

So as Snowstorm Nemo approached, I watched as everyone hunkered down and prepared for the worst...except me. I've had one too many arcade parties cancelled to worry about a few inches of powder. Actually, I was excited...we haven't had a good snow storm in almost two years, so I was thrilled to have a white oasis to ring in the next decade. Waking in the morning, getting my girls dressed in their snow gear, and greasing up my sled like Clark Griswold, made me feel like I was 10 years old again. What's better then hitting the hills for a day of laughs, sledding and hot chocolate? And that's when it hit me...age really IS just a number...

So what does all of this have to do with employment, the job market, etc...since that's what all my posts are about? Well, I've realized over the past few days, that it's never too late to reinvent yourself. 40 could very well be the new 20. Who cares what age group you check off on any form, ultimately, it's how you live your life that's important. Often times candidates will come to my office saying they need a new direction...something that excites them and makes them want to get up in the morning and go to work. And my advice is simple...then do it. Anything in life is achievable if you want it. Every  negative thought has a positive answer floating around somewhere...you just have to find it. Talk to everyone you know...and to everyone they know. Be diligent. Offer to work for free to prove yourself. And take a leap of faith...calculated or not, you're bound to discover something along the way. Life is too short, so do what you love.

Over the next 24 hours I will journey into the next decade. I wasn't looking forward to the days leading up to it, but the events that have taken place have put a new smile on face, and youthful glow back in my heart...Meeting one of my favorite pop stars; a wonderful makeover courtesy of the local salon; a day of sledding with my girls; and a few dinner celebrations on the horizons...I am ready to embark on the next chapter. And should any obstacles come along that give me pause, or I'm feeling too much like an adult...I'll bust out my "Frankie Says" t-shirt, banana clip, and Jordache jeans, turn on Cyndi Lauper and sing, at the top of my lungs, "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun..." because I am determined to stay "Forever Young."

Have a great day and happy job hunting,

The Job Yenta

I LIKE HATE, THE LIKE WORD LIKE...LIKE, YA KNOW

When I was in junior high, my father started making a buzzer sound EVERY time I used the word LIKE or the words YA KNOW where they didn't belong. Eventually, I stopped filling awkward silences with useless words, learned to collect my thoughts before speaking and, started hating any noise that remotely sounded like a buzzer.

So you can only imagine how every time a candidate sits across from me, twirling her hair, and using that DAMN word I want to make a loud BUZZER noise in her face. Sometimes I want to do it for pure shock value. At least she had the decency to take her sunglasses off her head or I would've thought she just stepped off the set of "Square Pegs."

Trying to get through these interviews is like getting waxed by Edward Scissorhands...I mean, MY G-D...these candidates are just better off not talking. There has to be a way to help them without rudely telling them they sound like an idiot. And what amazes me, is these candidates have jobs...how the hell did someone hire them? Perhaps they bonded over, like, coffee and froyo, ya know?

I know people get nervous, but there's no way their parents can sit and listen to them talk...or their bosses for that matter. It's just a horrible way to communicate...forget MacBeth...English teachers should be teaching proper diction and how to have a conversation without the use of fillers.

And while we're on the topic, TAKE THAT GUM OUT OF YOUR MOUTH...nothing says hire me more than a wad of HUBBA BUBBA. Instead of polite, well mannered, hard working, well spoken college grads, I'm often faced with lip smacking, fake tanned, "daddy, the BMW needs gas" candidates who "won't take less than 50K..." and need to be out by 5:30 so they can get to SoulCycle, because "Rocco is the best spin teacher on the planet!!!"  Nothing says hire me more than your $5000 Chanel bag, and 2 carat diamond studs. I definitely think the idea of working hard now, so you can play later is lost on Generation Y.

So here's my advice for all those that just graduated with a degree in one hand, and a sense of entitlement in the other...don't think because you finished college that the world owes you anything. You, like the rest of America, need to prove yourself before someone is going to pat you on the back and tell you how wonderful you are. As the first generation of kids of "helicoptering parents," it's time to realize that NOT everyone gets a trophy; there ARE losers; sometimes it's NOT alright; and if you don't do it, NO one will do it for you. This is the real world and if you're not willing to put the time, effort and energy into it, someone else will. You're officially a little fish in a big pond, so start swimming. Eventually you'll find your footing and make a difference...but until then, be prepared to work hard for what you want...and if you're parents are smart, they'll stop enabling your spoiled habits. Because at the end of the day, you CAN do it...you just have to want to do it. Commit to a position and don't always look for something bigger or that pays more...there is value in commitment...and while I'm not recommending you stay at the same company for the next 30 years like so many of our parents did, there's something to be said for the person who can commit and climb the corporate ladder. Be smart in your professional journey, make calculated moves, and you will be rewarded handsomely...but navigate it like you would a Manolo sample sale, and chances are you're going to end up with a horrible looking resume, a few regrets and some bad blisters.

Good Day & Happy Job Hunting,

The Job Yenta

50 SHADES OF YENTA

So now that I'm half way through 50 Shades for the SECOND time (after finishing all three in a mere six days), I have spent many hours trying to figure why I, like most of America, am obsessed with Christian Grey and all that he brings to the lemon polished, red leather table. I've had conversations with my girlfriends, searched the Internet for anything "Grey" related, and as mentioned, am reading the trilogy again. And here's what I've come up with...

I'm a hopeless romantic. I love to love and I love BEING loved. When I drift off into lala land, Jake Ryan on the glass table, John Cusack with the boom box, Richard Gere climbing the fire escape, Judd Nelson embracing the diamond earring all flash through my head (clearly I'm also obsessed with 80s rom coms, but that's for a different blog). Yes, the sex between Mr. Grey and Miss Steele is ridiculously hot and erotic, but when I was 21, it was pretty good too (minus the flogger of course). But it's the deep sense of respect, love and passion that he has for her that truly draws me in. To be that passionate about someone (or something for that matter) is amazing. Every time she feels alone, endangered or scared, he's right there - copper highlighted hair, white linen shirt, silk tie and all. Everything he does is to protect, provide and honor her in a way so few ever get to experience. Now granted, 24/7 security, her own company and a wardrobe that rivals Anna Wintour's are all material things that should not hold meaning. This coupled with the fact that they are young and he's FILTHY rich, make for a great read...but for some reason, I believe that if he was poor, he would find other things to lavish her with that weren't material.

So how does 50 Shades relate to the job world? (Because in between daydreams, I know that this is what my blog is about)...one word - PASSION. When I was little, my father always said, "If you LOVE what I do, you will never work a day in my life." It's a phrase that has always stayed with me and 11 years into my career I completely understand why. Think about it...if someone told you that you would spend 50 hours/week doing something you didn't like (or worse HATED), you would look at that person like they were CRAZY. Waking up every morning and going to a job that you dislike, it about as pleasant as the prep for a colonoscopy...

Every day I meet someone who hates their job and wishes they could make a change. I look at them and say, "Why can't you?" Change, while scary, can truly be a great thing. Obviously there should be some thought in your next move. And while you might not be able to do what you love (hence why I'm not training dolphins at SeaWorld right now), you can certainly embark on a path to something you like and/or interests you. Think outside the box. Really ask yourself the hard questions...What interests me? What am I good at? Can I afford to make the change? If the answer to the last questions is, "YES," then you really have nothing holding you back. Make a PROS and CONS list. Talk to everyone you know. Use the Internet to research what your passionate about. Maybe you want to make children's clothes. Or perhaps you love doing makeup. Or a calculator and anything numerical gets your blood pumping. Whatever it is, don't be afraid to go after it. And do it before it's too late. As Randy Pausch said in his now famous, "The Last Lecture," achieving your childhood dream is something you can do! Whether you do it at 15 or 50, don't give up on doing what you love. And if you're lucky enough to make money in the process, well then, GOOD FOR YOU. One of my old bosses always said, "Say YES...and then figure out how to do it." And I always keep that in the back of my mind when embarking through uncharted waters. Truth is, after 39 years, I haven't come across something I couldn't do...only what I was afraid to do.

So thank you E.L. James for creating Mr. Grey. His take no prisoners attitude toward his professional life, coupled with his deep love for Miss Steele and the family that saved him, inspire me. Love, passion and commitment do exist out there...if you can't find them, create them. Then work hard to maintain them. And remember, you get what you give...so always tackle life head on with reckless abandon. While it may not be easy, I doubt you'll be disappointed.

Have a Great Day and Happy Job Hunting,
The Job Yenta

FAIRYTALE INTERRUPTED

About two months ago, I found out from a candidate that her aunt wrote a book. Now the aunt, happened to have been my former candidate and what makes her unique is that she was the former assistant to John F. Kennedy Jr. And thirteen years after his untimely death, she shares her story about her journey with him for the last five years of his life. I read it in two days which may not seem so fast, but with two kids and a business to run, I had a lot of "stomachaches" that kept me in the bathroom for hours during that time.
It was a wonderful story that made me laugh out loud and brought tears to my eyes. It was poignant; it was honest; it was inspiring; and sadly, it was tragic. It's a wonderful tribute to not only "the most famous man in the world," but to her boss.

I never had a thing for JFK Jr...not that I had something against him; but I never understood the allure. After reading her book, it all made sense. But what I really took away from the book was that as lucky as she was to land a job people would've killed for, he was even luckier to have found her. Her loyalty, compassion and true commitment to him were traits JFK Jr. searched for, but so rarely found. She was a true gatekeeper...assisting him with everything from who should be on the first cover of "George" to the intricate details of his wedding to Carolyn. She never let his status or fame allow her to stray from what was most important...being his right hand. She was his bad cop; his sounding board; his confidante and together they forged an unbelievable relationship that ended abruptly on July 16, 1999.

This story is true testament to the bond you can form with your boss. Being an assistant to someone can be one of the most rewarding jobs as you get to learn from someone at the top of their game, enjoy many of the same perks, all while remaining anonymous amongst the thousands that share your profession. I often complain about the crap that my candidates pull; or rant about the abuse some of them have taken (or some of my clients have given) but this blog is warm & fuzzy...and it's dedicated to someone who deserves all the success she's enjoying. An amazing story by an amazing woman...Fairytale Interrupted...a must read!

Good night and Happy Job Hunting,

The Job Yenta

HOW DO YOU MAKE A TISSUE DANCE?

You blow a little boogie into it!!!

Yes, I have a 5 year old's sense of humor, but what do you expect? I have a 5 year old...I certainly can't bust out my "Truly Tasteless Joke" books from the 80's.

So why the sophomoric joke? Because it was exactly what I was thinking the other day as I sat across from a candidate with a booger in her nose. I mean it's one thing to politely offer someone a mint when they have bad breath...but how do you clandestinely tell a perfect stranger she needs to blow her nose??? "Your resume looks great, but I can't find you a job until you wipe that shit that's hanging form your left nostril!" I mean YUCK YUCK YUCK.

After she left my office, I started to write an imaginary list on all the things my candidates need to do BEFORE coming to meet me:

1. Blow your nose...PLEASE
2. Spit out your gum...you look like a horse
3. Check your teeth for food/lipstick...I already had lunch
4. Eat a mint if you've smoked...actually scratch that...DON'T smoke before coming to see me because I'm not going to place an ashtray with ANY of my clients no matter how FABULOUS you might be
5. Cover up any undergarments...I'm happily married
6. Finish eating your lunch/drinking your coffee...this isn't Starbucks
7. Silence your phone-Ed McMahon's not calling to tell you you won Publisher's Clearing House and Yolanda Vega doesn't announce the winning lottery numbers until 7:30pm
8. Put on a smile...if you're miserable, disgruntled or completely desperate, and it shows, chances are I'm going to have a hard time embracing your candidacy because my clients won't hire Oscar the Grouch (again, 5 year old reference).

These are pretty simple requests, almost obvious I would think...but the stories I could tell. I remember meeting with a woman many years ago with 30+ years of experience. She was lovely...reminded me of my grandma...especially since she had an entire tube of lipstick on her teeth. And as we sat and chatted, I quickly fell in love with her, so when she asked me why I thought she was having SUCH a hard time finding a job, I said, "Can I be honest???" To which she replied, "Yes, of course." "While this is not the SOLE reason, or even the main reason...but your lipstick not only looks like you put it on in the dark; its all over your teeth and the color is atrocious," I blurted out with a smile. Thankfully she started to laugh and thanked me profusely. I gave her a few more pointers and while I wasn't able to place her, I know she left my office better than when she came in (she told me so)!

Sometimes I'm afraid to be brutally honest as I never want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I can't get over how clueless some people can be. YOU ARE YOUR BOOK COVER...I can't say it enough times!!! How you dress for an interview with me, is a clear indication how you will present with the client. Would you go on a date with messy hair or food in your teeth? So why would you come to an interview like that...especially when our "date" has the potential for a better paycheck...

So take a minute to compose yourself before you walk through my door. I'm not looking for designer clothes, salon coiffed hair, or red soled shoes...just someone who takes pride in their presentation...a clear sign that shows you take your search seriously.  You only get one chance to make a first impression and remember employment, unlike love, is NOT blind.

Good Night and Happy Job Hunting,
The Job Yenta

YOU SNOOZE...YOU LOSE

So the other day a candidate was referred to me who had been out of work for two years. A high level executive, the poor guy was a victim of the financial crisis and hasn't been able to get his footing. Recently, he started working for a construction company performing carpentry as needed. I had a client who was looking for a mailroom assistant which was the perfect opportunity to get back into a corporate environment, while maintaining his "handyman" work on the side.

The client quickly picked up on his resume and asked if he could come in the very next day as they were anxious to fill their vacancy. I spoke to the candidate that night and he was ready and excited to nail the interview.

Fast forward twelve hours, and I get an email from the client..."XXXX never showed up..." WHAT???? Are you serious? HE MUST BE DEAD...because if he's not, I'm going to KILL him. SO I quickly call his cell and it goes straight to voicemail. AH...maybe he's stuck in the subway and can't connect to let me know he's going to be late. That HAS to be it. So I proceed to call his phone every 5 minutes, expecting a breathless man to pick up, apologizing for the horrendous transportation system...10 minutes go by; 15; 20...as this point I've emailed him and said, "You better be dead...otherwise, you really F'D up!!!" Finally at 10:30, he calls and tells me that he woke up, got dressed, sat down to relax because he was ready a bit early...and FELL ASLEEP IN HIS SUIT! What a SCHMUCK! Are you serious? Unless you are narcoleptic or drunk, no one falls asleep that quickly after waking up! and in your SUIT...who can sleep with a noose essentially tied around their neck? Normally, I wouldn't believe him, but for some reason I felt bad for this guy. I genuinely thought he made a mistake...unfortunately, my client was not so sympathetic and wouldn't see him.

It's a classic (not to mention literal) case of you snooze...you lose. This was his shot and he blew it. I told my husband (who the candidate was actually referred to) that I felt bad, and he was like, "Why? You didn't f@#$%k up...he did." It's true. Here was his chance to get back out there, which is so hard when you've been out of work for awhile, and he dropped the ball. I mean I'm up at 5am almost every day with my daughter and I manage to stay awake until at LEAST 9:30pm every night...

He must've called me 30 times before the client came back saying she wouldn't see him. He was devastated...but hopefully he'll learn from it...because that's really what you should do. Don't drown yourself in your own misery. Keep your head up and move on. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and at the end of the day, I have NO REGRETS...except that one time in college...

Good night and happy job hunting,
The Job Yenta

GET OFF YOUR F&*(*&*($%$% PHONE

Nothing sends me into a tizzy more then someone who talks on their cell phone in an elevator. While I spend 90 seconds descending floors, I have to hear about your naked evening/one night stand/stomach problems/awful boss...all I want is to enjoy the silence as I try to ignore the stench of your HORRIFIC  perfume. I was a breath away from screaming, "GET OFF YOUR F@#%&*%( PHONE" when the doors opened and out she pranced, horrific fur coat and all.

What has happened to this world? Where's the respect and proper etiquette that used to exist? Are the British Monarchy the only ones that still sip tea with their pinky a fly? Gone are the days of silence is golden, elbows off the table (how can one text without them), long meals and actual conversations. Cell phones have changed our lives whether we like it or not. Just a few weeks ago, a woman was killed by an elevator. She didn't see the "out of service" sign because she was texting as she stepped into it. Up it shot...folding her like a cheap suit, causing her premature demise.

And of course there are those candidates whose cell phones go off during interviews. I'm sorry...but for 60 minutes, there is NO one that NEEDS to get a hold of you. Even if it's your child's school calling to say little Tommy threw up on his teacher and needs to be picked up, they are not going to throw him onto the street...they will keep him safe and sound in the infirmary until you can get him. We are ALL addicted to our phones and unfortunately it doesn't look like there's any rehab in sight.

Apps; text messages; BBM; FACE time...it's virtually (no pun intended) impossible to disconnect yourself from the world. What fun is that...I mean do we really NEED a waterproof cell phone cover so you can take it scuba diving...just in case Warren Buffet calls while you're 20 feet under asking if you want to take over Berkshire Hathaway? I mean c'mon people...let go. Go out. Smell the roses. Enjoy the coffee. Remember what is was like when all that existed were landlines, Atari, AM/FM radio and network television. Life was simple. The Cosby Show made us laugh and my friends made emergency break-throughs because there was no such thing as call waiting.

And to all my job hunters out there...your cell phone is your BEST friend...stay connected; be available to your recruiter or friends helping you with you search. Return messages; respond to texts; don't go MIA. BUT...after you put on your suit, print out your resume and SPIT OUT YOUR GUM...turn off said phone...because no one likes to be interrupted or think that someone or someTHING is more important then they are...especially the person looking to determine your dedication and commitment to their company.

Good night and happy job hunting,
The Job Yenta

A LOT ON MY PLATE

The other day, I had a candidate unleash into a 30 minute tirade about how when she called my office, my colleague told her the reason I didn't call her back IMMEDIATELY was because I had a lot on my plate and promised that I would get in touch with her before her scheduled interview (she had called me Thursday night for a Monday interview). She felt that saying, "I had a lot on my plate" was unprofessional and rude.

Ok...what he should've said was that over the course of 10 days, I spent 48 hours in a fetal position, in too much pain to walk from bad Thai food; 10 hours in the ER due to related issues to the bad Thai food; approximately 3 hours at the pediatrician's office taking BOTH of my children in for a high fever, sore throat and ear infection; 2 hours on the phone with my temp division because 9 of my temps didn't receive their checks; 24 hours prepping for a colonoscopy as a result of my weekend stomach issues; at least 5 hours worrying that it wasn't bad Thai food and that I was dying; 90 minutes under anesthesia as my gastroenterologist put a tube up my tush to see if it really was bad Thai food or something else (it was something else); and the rest of the week trying to fill the 12 jobs I'm currently working on. Would that have been a more appropriate answer? 

Even with unemployment at 15%, it's harder and harder to find great candidates. Everyone out there has shtick...for those of you without Yiddish grandmas; shtick is a nice Jewish word for BULLSHIT. No matter what you do (or don't do); someone always has something to say about it. Here's a candidate who's been out of work for quite some time, with high salary expectations and I was able to get an interview for her. She has the audacity to bitch about my efforts and the fact that I didn't drop everything in my life to take her phone call when it was convenient for her?

These candidates that come to my office thinking they are the best of the best and act like THEY'RE doing ME a favor are ridiculous. The only thing they are doing is wasting my time. I understand you're frustrated and probably scared that you haven't worked and need to find employment before Uncle Sam comes knocking...but I'm here to help you...not bow down to you. For every unemployed sob story, there's a phenomenal candidate who's been with their current employer for 5 years and decides they are ready for the next step or someone who lost their job and is ready, willing and excited that I'm willing to help them with their search...that's who you're up against.

So perhaps you should see the coin from the other side. Realize that I'm working my colonoscopied ass off for you in every way possible. I want you to get a job because THAT'S HOW I MAKE MY MONEY...but if you give me attitude, a hard time, or think you come before everyone else; chances are you'll never hear from me again. I'd rather work with those that are not as qualified but appreciative then with someone who thinks they deserve a job for one reason or another…

So in the words of Colonel Nathan Jessep (aka Jack Nicholson) in A Few Good Men...

"You don't want the truth.  Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall.  You need me on that wall...I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it. I'd prefer you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post.  Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to.”

Good Night and Happy Job Hunting,

The Job Yenta

LITTLE WHITE ELEPHANTS STUFFED WITH HAY

It's been awhile since I've posted, but the summer has presented me with some amazing triumphs, and some devastating tragedies. It's been tough to focus on my blog, but I've been inspired to write again with the promise of being more diligent about my posts come the fall.

So what inspired me you ask...well a good friend of mine owns a sleepaway camp in PA, and as the last night of camp approached, she wrote a letter to her campers and staff thanking them for making her job as amazing as it is. It instantly made me cry as I was transported back to my days at Camp White Oaks. A place where I spent 10 years of my life and managed to grow up and stay young at the same time. A place that set the groundwork for all that I've become. It taught me how to share and live communally. It taught me that life is not over when the cute boy in the other bunk likes your best friend instead of you. It taught me that stopping the winning goal is not so fabulous when you send the girl who was about to kick it to the hospital (true story...sorry Robbie wherever you are). It taught me that frozen Snickers, freeze pops and Charleston Chew are GREAT substitutes for any meal of the day. And it taught me that the relationships that you make as you navigate life may help you one day so you should always be kind, compassionate and caring. I spent 530 days of my life at that place and I've thought about it every day since it closed on August 1, 1992. And up until my father passed away 4 1/2 years later, that was the most tragic day of my life.

So what does camp have to do with recruiting and the workforce? Well one of my favorite parts of camp was Color War (many camps have changed the name or now call it Olympics because they feel it's not politically correct to use War, but it will always be War to me). Anyway, when Color War broke, and the camp was divided, 8 individuals were chosen to "lead" their team into battle. After 6 1/2 weeks of living with 15-20 campers, days filled with activities and nights caring for the homesick, the heart broken and the unhappy, these eight people committed everything they had to win. For seven days, they did not sleep, barely ate, and encouraged, cheered and supported their teams through the thrill of victory...and the agony of defeat (always loved ABC sports). There was also a laundry list of "things" that needed to be created based on the theme of your team:

1. banner
2. scoreboard
3. team flag
4. team t-shirts, all spray painted with a custom designed stencil based on the theme
5. and a 6-8 foot totem pole (see picture)

And regardless of how organized or anal you were (and I was both hence my propensity for being a great EA), you always had 15 people standing around with blow dryers making sure the paint was dry 5 minutes before the judges came around. At the end, as each team sat across from one another, singing about the amazing time we had, and the friends that we would miss, we cried. And regardless of who won (as my record was 2 and 7, it was never me), you always ended up loving everyone in the room...ok, I've digressed. The point was regardless of how tired, overworked or underpaid we were; or how meaningless, or meaningful it was, we were all committed to making each summer the best it could be.  It's what still resonates in camps today. It was exactly what my friend wrote about...

And yet when I present a candidate who can barely get arrested, the opportunity for a salary, benefits and the prospect of not sucking on the government unemployment teet anymore, they no show without so much as a call, email, text or tweet. So I ask myself, "Where's the commitment?" Where's the sense of self worth that we all look for as we navigate through life? And where's the common decency to the friend who put their reputation on the line to get you the interview? Obviously he NEVER went to camp OR wrote an alma mater at 3am!!!

When I meet a candidate I always gauge their conviction and their commitment. Looking for a job IS a full time job so it's important to be 100% on both counts. And what I've found as I've gotten older is that commitment is the first thing that goes. Sad to think that while I'm trying to help, others are holding up their middle finger and thinking they're getting the last laugh. But in reality, this is a war I ALWAYS win...So here's to all the people who went to White Oaks...my little white elephants stuffed with hay...thank you for teaching me so much as it truly shaped who I am today. I am forever committed to you...

Good Night and Happy Job Hunting,

The JobYenta

DEEP THOUGHTS BY THE JOB YENTA

It's been awhile since I've posted as my life has been all over the place and I've had to focus on personal things. However, one thing I've realized is how truly appreciative I am of the profession I've chosen. It's given me the flexibility to be there for my children when they've needed me and remained lucrative enough so I can continue to fund their Barbie/Mickey Mouse habits.

As someone who's been in sales for the past ten years, I've learned the true meaning of "Persistence BEATS resistance." I'm a pro at picking myself up, dusting myself off and giving it my all time and time again. And recently this has been tested more than ever. As a recruiter, I pride myself on the reputations I've made both with my clients and my candidates. "It's NEVER the first sale, but rather the SECOND that's impressive," my husband always says...and he couldn't be more correct. Over the past few months, I've relaunched my business, The Corporate Ladder, to the warmest, most enthusiastic response. New clients are calling in almost daily, and candidates whom I haven't heard from in years are getting back in touch...either looking for new positions or referring their amazing friends who are in search of their own "golden ticket." These events allow me to forge ahead and make looking my teary eyed daughter in the face to say, "Mommy has to go to work today," a little easier.

The amazing part of my career is that not one of my dreams or ambitions included recruiting. It was something I tried on the suggestion of a great friend who thought I'd be good at it. Orthopedic Surgeon; Veterinarian; Copywriter...those were all the things I aspired to be. But never a recruiter. The only thing I knew about recruiters was that I hated them. Why you might ask...Well, after completing my masters degree two weeks after my father had died, I was somewhere between coherent and numb. So I picked up the New York Times (how ARCHAIC) and started calling all of the ads that looked appealing. One in particular caught my eye - Conference Coordinator for International Company.This ad was posted by a recruiter, so we set up an appointment to meet. The first thing she told me was that I needed to take my masters degree off my resume because it was going to scare potential employers since I didn't have the experience to back it up. Great...so happy I wasted four million dollars and the past 18 months of my life. The next question was -"What do you want to do?" My reply? "Anything, as long as I'm NOT AN ASSISTANT!"  Three interviews and an interrogation later, I landed my first job as a Conference Coordinator (read-glorified assistant). But when I asked her to see if they would give me $24,000 instead of the $23,500 they offered, she said she had already accepted the job on my behalf and I started that Monday. After a few choice words and a big YOU SUCK, I hung up the phone, called my mom, and was officially employed on February 10, 1997...my 24th birthday. Pretty ironic that now I'm a recruiter AND I place assistants for a living...good thing I got over my issues.

I may bitch and complain about the candidates who fall off the face of the earth or the clients who take forever to make a decision only to hire an internal referral at the last minute, but at the end of the day, I'm truly blessed to do what I do. I get to help people, foster some amazing relationships and make really good money...all while balancing a life in the suburbs with two kids, a great husband and a bounce house in the backyard.

Thank you to all those who have joined me on my journey. My new chapter has begun...and I'm so happy to have all of you along for the ride!

Good night and happy job hunting,

The Job Yenta

PLEASE IGNORE THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN

I've recently started watching "The Voice" on NBC and have to say what a phenomenal show it is. Judging someone on their TALENT rather than their APPEARANCE seems so obvious and yet so intangible. In a society where everything is based on the superficial, often amazing people are overlooked because they don't fit into a certain "mold."In essence...judging a book by its cover. (See Susan Boyle).

Recently I went to visit a client that I had been working with for quite a while. As I made my way to the appointment, I envisioned what I might encounter when I walked through their glass doors...Pin drop quiet offices, with SUPER cerebral individuals discussing Quantum Physics and what Apple would do now that Steve Jobs was taking another leave of absence. I expected a lot of mahogany and forest green and stockings (and maybe even a pocket protector or two). And I pictured fashionably challenged executives with little to say to my effervescent, tabloid reading, reality show watching self.


To say I could not have been further from the truth would be an understatement! The minute I set foot inside their office, I was greeted by the warmest receptionist I have met in a long time. Well spoken and enthusiastic, it was obvious she was thrilled to be in their employ. And it only got better from there. To say this company is a well oiled machine is an understatement. Each person I met, regardless of title or tenure, was more intelligent, put together and congenial then the last. As I moved from meeting to meeting, I realized how far off my perception was from their reality. Together, these employees bred success. They were all part of the greater good and their company's success was proof. It was a wake up call for me and truly defined the age old problem of PERCEPTION vs. REALITY.

It reminded me that it's important to give things a chance and not judge based on rumor, gossip or someone else's perception. Here was a company that is the BEST at what they do...and they are in an industry that has TOUGH competition. And yet the candidates that I was presenting were completely off base. Not to say I wasn't presenting excellent candidates...but I was basing it on MY perception of the company rather than THEIR reality. Seeing the "man behind the curtain" opened my eyes and completely changed the way I source candidates for them.

My past experiences have afforded me tremendous opportunities at companies my candidates would die to work for. But the reality of these "sexy" places were that at the end of the day they were all jobs. And even with all the perks and fun things they offered, I'm not at those jobs anymore for a reason.

I really learned a valuable lesson that day and it's one that I will remember and in turn instill in my candidates moving forward. In the end, it's so important to pick a job that's right for you. Sometimes your perception is so far from their reality that you need to remember to choose a job based on it's voice...not it's appearance.


Good night and happy job hunting,
The Job Yenta

NO SH*T SHERLOCK

Today I experienced something I have never experienced in the ten years I've been recruiting. A candidate lied. Now, of course, MANY candidates have lied before...but not to this magnitude. This wasn't a small, "the dog ate my homework" lie. This was "my stepbrother has been killed and I can't accept the offer from your client" lie. Now how do I know she was lying...because she had another offer on the table and instead of telling me she was going to take that position over the one my client offered, she told me that her stepbrother had been killed and she needed time to be with her family.

Now you're all asking...but how do you know she lied? Because on a hunch, I called the other company where she had the offer and when I asked the receptionist to connect me to her, she connected me right to her! BUSTED. (I totally should've worked for Scotland Yards). I'm still in shock. I don't know if you all know what the word KINE-AHORA means, but it's one of The Job Yenta's FAVORITES...It's the reason I don't bring baby stuff into the house before the baby is born; why I don't say, "WOW...we haven't hit ANY traffic yet!"; and why I never say the words, "The kids haven't been sick all winter." In essence, it's a curse or unwanted karma...and baby it's a BITCH.

There was no reason for this girl to lie. And the worst part is that after she told this tragic, albeit made up, story, my client sent her an email telling her how sorry they were and that they would love to have her in their employ...whenever she was ready to resume her search, the offer would still be on the table.

What candidates cease to realize is I understand they have to do what's best for them. I'm not a used car salesman who NEEDS you to take the job I offer...nor am I going to be angry if you go a different route. Sure, I'll be letdown, but I know it's not personal. The worst part for me is having to tell the client you're not interested and then having to start over, but ultimately, I sell people so I know that there's always the possibility for disappointment. But to make up a lie of that magnitude is just astonishing. And this was such a lovely candidate whom I thought I had developed a great rapport with. Joke's on me huh?

The bottom line is, if you work with a recruiter, be honest and informative throughout the process. If you have other interviews, or are close to getting offers, tell the recruiter. This will only add fuel to their fire of getting you hired. And most importantly, don't hedge your bets. In the end it will ALWAYS come back to bite you in the ass. Recruiters are amazing resources who can get you into doors you never thought possible...and help you land jobs that you may not have gotten without their help. I keep in touch with as many candidates that I DIDN'T place as those that I did because even when I don't find them jobs, I helped them with their search. But dishonesty or deceit may get you what you want in the immediate future, but ultimately it will come back to haunt you in the long run.

Good night and happy job hunting,

The Job Yenta

DOES THIS PICTURE MAKE ME LOOK EMPLOYABLE?

In today's day, 99% of job application is done through cyberspace..
Google company.
Find website.
Search job board.
Send resume.

I'm often asked, "Should I put a picture of myself on my resume?"To which I usually respond, "Not if you want to get hired!" Photos are really unnecessary and often times inappropriate for your resume. I know it's the "thing to do" in Europe, but more often than not, the pictures are very mug-shotesque and scare me more than entice me to interview you.

Granted, I've had QUITE a few laughs when people do include photos. Like the girl laying on a couch smoking a cigar. Honey, the only job you're going to get hired for pays hourly. Resumes should depend on the written word...photo not necessary. Your physical appearance is not going to win brownie points with the potential interviewer. If anything, it could turn them off if you put the wrong picture(cue the candidate who sent a very voluptuous picture of herself...needless to say, BOOM BOOM didn't get too many interviews). Unless you're applying to work at Coyote Ugly, these pictures are better left in your significant other's wallet...do people still do that?

And on the other side, job postings that require a picture are most likely situations you don't want to explore (unless you're a model or actress and a head shot is required). Potential employers should not place your appearance at the top of their hiring pre-requisites. And while some employers may have other specific requirements besides your resume, a picture of you should not be one of them.

Speaking of specific requirements...many of my clients these days are requesting a NYC address. All of a sudden, they are discriminating against the suburbs. New Jersey, Long Island and Westchester not good enough for you? We have feelings too! As someone who breaks out in hives when she has to take public transportation, I wish I didn't have to commute to NYC either, but to think someone wouldn't t hire me because I was geographically undesirable is ridiculous. Metro North, NJTransit and the LIRR have a 75% accuracy rate...that's better than the weather people! And Al Roker has DOPPLER! Candidates from the suburbs are more relaxed, don't think taxi horns are melodious and actually give directions to foreigners. The burbs soften us to the hardships of the concrete jungle, so feel free to open your doors and let us commute in. Just think...we are on a SCHEDULE...to the MINUTE. Not many New York City residents can say that - subway troubles, rainy day=NO cabs, or the President's in town and they can't get past midtown. Commuters come into the city and stay underground...nothing stops them. There is no such thing as a geographically undesirable candidate...just a misinformed executive. Great candidates live all over the tri-state area so don't be afraid to take a chance on a station wagon and a dream. I promise...you won't be sorry you did!

Good night and happy job hunting,

The Job Yenta   

WHEN I GROW UP I WANT TO BE A VEGETARIAN

One of my favorite things to do is drive my 4 1/2 year old and her two friends to school. The conversations that take place in the car are what made Art Linkletter successful. The other day we (and yes I say "we" because often times I am a participant in said conversations) were talking about what we wanted to be when we grew up. I prompted this question and each of the children had their own answer - one said a firefighter, which of course made me smile thinking back to so many of my grade school friends who aspired to the same profession. The other little boy said, "A basketball player,"  as he waved his brand new Air Jordans for me to see while avoiding oncoming traffic. And my daughter, bless her heart said, "Mom, there are so many...a Ballet Teacher, a Shot Doctor, Princess Tiana and a Gymnastics Teacher." Nice that my daughter wants to ONLY give shots...screw the rest of the job doctors have...don't know where that sadistic behavior comes from.

So as the conversation moved on to other topics - Mario vs. Luigi; why Princesses were cooler than Superheros, I thought back to the first time someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I believe it was first grade (or at least that's as far back as my memory serves me) and we were going around the room. It took less than a second for me to respond. "A Vegetarian!" To which my teacher cocked her head, chuckled slightly and said, "Excuse me?" So I said, a little louder, "A Vegetarian, Mrs. Glogower. You know...the doctor that fixes animals...A Vegetarian!" 

Now I know there are a lot of people out there who would've been DEVASTATED if I didn't become a recruiter (ok, maybe just the person I placed on Friday), but I've always had a deep love for animals and as soon as I met my dog's Veterinarian at the ripe old age of 6, I knew my calling. A few years later, I learned that Cornell had one of the best veterinary programs in the country and my dad and I instantly came up with the license plate for my car...A VETS VET...(to go on my corvette convertible of course). I was all set. And I followed that dream right up until first semester, sophomore year when I took Organic Chemistry. I remember the hysterical phone call home telling my parents that I just couldn't hack the world of free radicals, bond dissociation and carbocation (and yes, I Googled Organic Chemistry terms). Out the window went my dream of becoming a Veterinarian along with my 500+ page textbook (probably why I got a D...gasp). So I became an English major...

To this day, I wish I had become a Vegetarian. But I do believe everything happens for a reason. While I always loved the idea of helping animals, having to euthanize any of  them would have devastated me every time. When I had to put my two year old Golden Retriever to sleep 14 years ago, I finally realized that perhaps that D in Orgo happened for a reason.  So now I help a different kind of animal...the job seeker.

For ten years my job has definitely proved quite rewarding as I've helped hundreds of candidates find jobs. But I can't help but wonder how my life would've been different had I become a vet. Oh well...it is what it is. So now I just have to wait and live vicariously through my daughters. And someday, when you need a vaccine, I'll watch her administer it with pride.

Good night and happy job hunting,

The Job Yenta

PYTHAGOREAN'S THEOREM

What type of industry are you looking for?
OH...DEFINITELY not finance...I'm terrible with numbers.


If I was recruiting actuaries, then a disdain for all things numerical would be a big negative. But since I predominantly place assistants, this answer is stupid. As long as calendar management and travel arrangements don't give you hives, you can work in just about ANY industry. And NEWS FLASH...finance is where the money is.

The other day I met a lovely candidate who had only worked in the fashion world. We were talking about her next step and she recited this very line. We got into a whole discussion about why finance wasn't so bad and she started seeing hedge funds, and investment banks and private equity firms (OH MY) in a whole new light. She never realized that just because you work in finance, doesn't mean you're wearing your calculator in a holster and talking about Pythagorean's theorem at the water cooler. Smaller firms (like those mentioned above) have changed the way we see the financial world. Gone are the days of navy skirt suits, pearls, stockings and pin-drop-quiet offices. Hedge funds have made the financial world sexy. To get an administrative job at one of these coveted firms, you need a college degree from a top school, a polished presentation, great computer skills and no ego. And if you don't have prior experience at one of these firms, be prepared to start at reception! In return, you will be offered a TOP salary and an equally impressive bonus. Add in gyms on-site, free meals, 100% paid benefits, profit sharing, and beautiful offices and it quickly becomes evident how fabulous the finance industry can be.

The bottom line is that before you set out on your professional road trip, do your research. It's important to know why you want to work somewhere. It's not about creative vs. finance as these categories are too broad and need to be further dissected. Figure out the way you think and consider all the options. While finance is where the money and perks are, often times you are working late hours and if you want to climb that corporate ladder, you should have an interest in the stock markets, world economics, financial analysis, etc. On the other hand, should you want to venture down a creative path, bear in mind that often times these jobs don't pay very well until you've been in the business for 5, sometimes 10 years, have high turnover due to rigorous work schedules and require a lot of moving from job to job to get ahead. But often times, the creative companies have amazing perks to compensate for the lower salaries - fashion houses offer discounts and ridiculous sample sales; magazines give free subscriptions, celebrity sightings and some have the coveted fashion closet; advertising agencies are often wined and dined by their publishing counterparts and are given everything from amazing dinners to gifts, concert tickets and free trips. And the list goes on...And don't get me wrong...my whole career was in the creative industry. I was a conference manager at an international marketing company; promotions coordinator at a major publishing house; AND an assistant to a former television personality...and in addition to all the great perks, I was given amazing opportunities, got to travel the world and even found a husband! However, after having a finger on the pulse of the employment market for the past 10 years, there are PLENTY of days that I wish someone had guided me down the financial path.

So don't rule anything out for the WRONG reasons. At the end of the day, this is a big part of your life so make sure you REALLY know what you're getting yourself into...and who knows...maybe calculus wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Good night and happy job hunting,

The Job Yenta

88 FLIGHTS OF STAIRS

As I made my way into the city today, I found myself flashing back to when I first started recruiting. It was May 2001, and boy was that a shitty time. Besides the bubble bursting, four months later, our city, country and world would forever be changed. After 9/11, the candidates were coming to see me in droves and the jobs had all but dried up. Companies were folding left and right; 1.3 million square feet of office space had disappeared in a matter of hours and most people were reevaluating their professions and next steps in life. But most of all, I remember the stories of the survivors...my boss perished; I was late for work that day; I had to walk down 88 flights of stairs; I was supposed to start at Cantor on September 12...However, the story that is forever embedded in my mind was not TOLD by a candidate; rather it was ABOUT a candidate.

My boyfriend and I were walking near St. Vincent's Hospital and we came upon all the missing ads for the people who were in the towers that day. As we perused the faces, I saw one that looked familiar. Jill, a candidate that had been referred to me only a few months earlier, was missing. My heart sank in that moment because up until that point, I did not know anyone personally who was involved. But it wasn't until a few months after 9/11 that I learned what REALLY happened. Jill and a few of her colleagues were working for AON in one of the towers. When the plane hit, a group of them packed up their things and left. But a few did not. It said that they, including Jill, were paralyzed with fear and decided to stay at their desks until someone came to get them...sadly, you know how the story ends.

I've never forgotten that story, or Jill for that matter. Her face is forever ingrained in my memory and I've always wondered what if??? "Sliding Doors" with Gwyneth Paltrow is about this very subject. The WHAT IFs in life. What if you didn't go to the bar that night for your friend's 25th birthday? Maybe you wouldn't have met your husband. What if you missed your bus to work? Maybe you would've avoided that three hour back up in the Lincoln Tunnel. What if I was the recruiter who placed Jill at AON? For selfish reasons, I'm so glad I wasn't. I don't think I could've continued doing what I do. And on the other side, what if I had found Jill a different job...chances are she might not have been in the towers on that tragic day. But then again, the opportunity she got at AON was a GREAT one and at the time, she was looking to get out of her job so anything I presented may have paled in comparison.

This experience really changed the way I do my business. As most of my candidates will profess, I'm not the recruiter who pushes you to take a position. I want my candidates to be happy and I want my clients to be happy. It's important that a relationship is established between both parties and that they can commit long term. Now while this doesn't work in my favor as turnover = more business, it does give me a reputation of being committed to the cause as opposed to the result.

I've worked for NINE different companies since graduating (two of them my own), and from this I realize that it's much better to find a home as opposed to a just a job. And I always recommend thinking about the "what ifs" every now and then...don't obsess over them, rather consider them before making a move. Because when one door closes, a new one's opening right about the corner...


Good night and happy job hunting,
The Job Yenta

THE EVIL THAT YOU KNOW IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN THE EVIL THAT YOU DON'T

Every so often one of my fabulous former candidates will reach out and ask, "How's the market?" To which I always ask..."What are you making?"

Recently, a candidate answered as follows - "...well my base is $140K plus I make a 30% bonus..." After I picked myself up off the floor, I told her, "Retire there!!!" But if you decide to leave, here's MY resume. I know there's a bit of curiosity in all of us, and nothing would make me happier than pulling her out, placing her somewhere else and then refilling her spot. But my conscience just can't do it. Sometimes the grass, instead of being greener, is dead and covered in dog shit!

I know it's hard to see a good thing when you've been in a job for a few years as curiosity can definitely get the best of us. And unfortunately when it does, and you decide to leave for bigger and better, sometimes you wish you hadn't. I've had quite a few candidates leave jobs after 5+ years and never find that same job again. Unfortunately they are looking for that comfort on day one that took FIVE years to establish.  More money may equal a new wardrobe OR...more therapy sessions! It's important to realize that just because the silver lining is wearing a bit, it doesn't mean you can't polish it and make it look pretty again. In other words, the evil that you know is ALWAYS better than the evil that you don't!

So what else can you do when you get antsy at a job and wine and cheese is just not quelling it? If you work for a large company where opportunities are posted internally, you should always be scanning for something enticing. Companies LOVE to hire internally as it's a money saver for them and they already know your shortcomings (and love you in spite of them). Talk to the HR executives within the organization and explain why you want a new position. Now remember, this is not for those that have worked for 6 months and feel like they are "ready for a promotion." Those people need to do a 180 and march right back to their desk with a hot latte for their boss and get back to work. This is for those people that have really reached the ceiling on their position and while they LOVE the company, they are a bit bored with their day-to-day responsibilities. Often times HR is THRILLED because you just made their job that much easier.

If you work for a small company or an individual and/or you've truly hit the proverbial glass ceiling, commit to making a move...but CHOOSE WISELY. Tell everyone you know that you're looking. Work with a few recruiters that you trust and be explicit with them with regards to what you want (and more importantly, DON'T WANT). And leave no stone unturned. The web is a wonderful resource and provides a plethora of options for the savvy job seeker. But most importantly, carefully weigh out the pros and cons of what you're looking for and make sure you're next move is the right one. Because at the end of the day, the right decision could be to stay put...and it's important to realize a good thing when you have it...right Brian Dunkleman????

PLEASE SIGN BY THE X

The other day, I had a candidate interview with a very high profile client of mine and before she would commence the interview, she asked the COO to sign a confidentiality agreement. That's right...SHE (the candidate) asked HIM (the potential employer) to sign a CONFIDENTIALITY AGREEMENT. If I was my client I would've looked her right in the eye and said, "Honey, I don't give a shit where you worked, nor do I care." Needless to say, they passed.

It's amazing how after 10 years in the business (LONG years I might add), candidates never cease to amaze me. If you think Charlie Sheen's lost his mind, spend six months recruiting and you'll apply to be his intern. He's got NOTHING on the crazies I deal with. Back in the day, when I was looking for jobs, my goal was to GET them...but for some reason that doesn't seem to be the case anymore. Candidates have their own agenda and most feel they are in the driver's seat. They can say what they want, do what they want and these employers will bow down and beg them to come work at their companies. One turned down a final interview at a hedge fund because the job started at 7:45...but when I asked her if she would interview for another fund where the job started at 8, she was TOTALLY on board. If my Swatch is working correctly, That's FIFTEEN minutes...what on earth could you possibly do during those 15 minutes that you would rule out a six figure job with full benefits and free lunch? If you take out your clothes the night before and put your lip gloss on on the subway, you're golden...15 extra minutes just for you! There are people STARVING out there...what the hell are you thinking?

Another wouldn't interview for a job that wasn't within a 10-block radius. Now "geographically undesirable" is a prerequisite for employment...are you fucking kidding me? We just came off the WORST ECONOMIC CRISIS since the depression, and you can't take the subway? What happens if they close a street for a fair...you going to take a personal day? The stipulations, demands and restrictions that candidates place on their job searches are unbelieveable. I understand that you may not be desperate for a new position, but when you make it near impossible, you may as well not look at all.

The other day I was meeting with a wonderful candidate and she asked me why it was better to look for a job when you have a job. The answer is simple...when you start your job search it's usually for one of four reasons - you're unhappy, there's no room for growth, you want more money or your company is having issues. But as long as you're employed, you're not desperate. This is the MAIN difference between someone who is employed and looking for a job and someone who is not. When you are employed, you have the comforts of a paycheck and a place to go every day while you look for something better. Companies are enticed by the idea of "stealing" someone away because they can offer them bigger and better. The unemployed are at a disadvantage because companies know they need a source of income and many will take the next best thing that comes along...whether they want to or not. Most of my clients don't want to see extended lengths of time between jobs as it could indicate laziness or lack of drive which are big turnoffs to potential employers. At the very least, you should be temping. If you are unemployed, cancel your cable, padlock the liquor/candy cabinets, burn your sweats and get your fat ass off the couch. The best way to make yourself marketable is to keep up your skills, find temp work within your said profession and make finding a job a full time job.

If you think about it, most of the changes you've made in your life were powered by one of two feelings...Inspiration or Desperation. If you are a conscious, living, breathing adult, there is no reason to wait for the latter. Inspiration exists all over the place. On TV. In magazines. On the web. In the park. Even from the person sitting next to you on the subway knitting (if you've had a burning desire to make a sweater). And when you do get inspired, MAKE the change. We are our worst enemies and if we only make changes when we are desperate, Jenny Craig will have an endless choice of Kirstie Alleys.

Good Night and Happy Job Hunting,
The Job Yenta

SUCKMYASS CAPITAL

We've all taken jobs that for one reason or another...SUCK. The workload was ridiculous. The people were atrocious. The boss was GODZILLA...or all of the above. You tried to persevere, but to no avail. At the end of the day, week, 3-month guarantee, you realize that you are the proud owner of a one way ticket to HELL (and your clothes are NOT flame-retardant). At this point, it's time to make a decision. Do you quit, give two weeks notice, organize your files and clean out your inbox of all "family and friends" emails and stupid jokes your dad sent you? Or do you throw out ALL important documents, infect your computer with a virus and walk out the door with your finger held high???

Obviously the former is the high road, but sometimes the latter feels SO much better. But at the end of the day, you just have to cut your losses and realize that while every pot has its lid, you're not interested in a some crappy job. This doesn't mean you're a failure or will never find another job again...it just means that you made the wrong decision. It happens. Get over it. No need to wallow...just move on to bigger and better. Go out there and when someone asks, "So why did you leave Suckmyass Capital?" You say, "It wasn't the right fit." This isn't the time to drag your bosses name through the mud, or tell the interviewer how your coworkers were getting high in the bathroom. Save that for your tell all. Instead, smile, sit up nice and straight and LIE. And when I say lie, it's only in this particular situation...when the job REALLY wasn't the right fit. Not because you were insubordinate; stole something; or failed the company's mandated drug test. But when the job and you just didn't get along and you mutually decided to shake hands and part ways, "It wasn't the right fit," is completely acceptable. No one wants to hear your tale of woe. We've all had at least one horrible job (if anyone says different they are either lying or sleeping with their boss) but no one wants to hire the person who bitches about it.

A very dear friend of mine was coming off what I would call my worst nightmare...a devastating tragedy. She was so distraught she walked away from her amazing career because the thought of dealing with the world was the last thing she wanted to do. After a few months of healing, she called me to see if I could help put her on a new path. I had placed her in her first job out of school and we had always stayed in touch and over the years had developed a wonderful friendship. So what did I do? I convinced this poor girl that recruiting was EXACTLY what she wanted to be doing. And stupid her...BELIEVED ME! So together we set out to make her recruiter extraordinaire! And in six short weeks she quickly became...unemployed. Hated every single minute of the 12,960 that she spent in my company's employ. And when she left, it was not under the best conditions. But you know what? During those 27 days of torture, she realized that being amongst the corporate bullshit was just where she needed to be. Amongst the pompous and the crazy and the weird guy at the front desk. So she went back into the wonderful world of trends and strategy and intellect, knee deep in corporate bullshit and ecstatic to be there. She picked herself up, brushed herself off, and kicked some corporate ass. Just like I always knew she could. So this blog is dedicated to her and all that I know she is...one of the smartest, strongest, most amazing women I have ever met. Here's to you NL...you're my hero!

Good night and happy job hunting,
The Job Yenta

WE'RE ALL REPLACEABLE

I walk out to my reception area and and am greeted by my ideal candidate...we'll call her Beth. Polished, put together, big smile, firm handshake. Then I take a look at the resume...EQUALLY as fabulous....I can already smell the leather on my new Louboutins.

We sit down to debrief. I tell her that I need to bring in one of the other recruiters because I think she has a great job for her. My colleague comes in and asks Beth a few questions. At this point, Beth can only be talking to her imaginary friend because she does not look at my colleague ONCE even though she's "answering" her questions. She also can't get to the point and doesn't talk in coherent sentences. My colleague says she'll keep her in mind as her desk is a bit slow right now. She then walks out of the interview room and all but gives me the finger...but I, flashing back to Beth's fabulous first impression, am not convinced she's unplaceable.

I bring Beth into another colleague's office. I ask her to take a seat and walk away to grab a tissue only to return to Beth in HYSTERICS. Between the cursing and her telling us she got her period this morning (YES I'M SERIOUS), I think I'm in a bad dream. She goes on a tirade about the other assistant she works with. But in the next breath, tells us she loves her. She also love the company she works for and feels like a "spoiled bitch" for wanting to move on to a new position. She doesn't want to disappoint her boss and yadda yadda yadda, blah blah blah...At this point, I feel like I'm filming an episode of "In Treatment." She's now covered in blotches and is banging through a box of tissues like there was a million dollars at the bottom.

As the tears continue, I cut her off midsentence with three words..."We're all replaceable!" No matter how much you love your job and how much you THINK your boss/company/colleagues LOVE you, you're seat won't be retired. Executives need assistants, phones need to be answered, offices need to be run. These positions are the guts of a company so if you decide to vacate one of these, someone else will GLADLY take your place.

The same goes for when a candidate asks me if a position is promotable. "Positions are NOT promotable...PEOPLE are!" In other words, if you're good at what you do, you'll be rewarded. But someone WILL fill your vacancy. Plain and simple.

When I was 23 and working at my favorite job of all times, I had the BEST boss. We got along so well and she taught me so much about corporate America and the bullshit bureaucracy that comes with it. Whenever I was frustrated, she was quick to remind me that everyone is expendable and you need to look out for yourself. Always do your best and keep your eye on the prize...whether it be a raise/promotion, a special award or just knowing that you were behind an amazing project, do your job and do it well. And when the foundation starts to show cracks, make sure you get out before the house falls. That was a long time ago but to this day, I always remember those words. I work really hard at what I do, and I'm really good at it. But I never take for granted the fact that I do it better than everyone else or that I'm irreplaceable. I'd be a fool if I thought otherwise...and If you think I'm crazy, you might want to talk to Camille Grammer.

Good night and happy job hunting,
The Job Yenta