A LOT ON MY PLATE

The other day, I had a candidate unleash into a 30 minute tirade about how when she called my office, my colleague told her the reason I didn't call her back IMMEDIATELY was because I had a lot on my plate and promised that I would get in touch with her before her scheduled interview (she had called me Thursday night for a Monday interview). She felt that saying, "I had a lot on my plate" was unprofessional and rude.

Ok...what he should've said was that over the course of 10 days, I spent 48 hours in a fetal position, in too much pain to walk from bad Thai food; 10 hours in the ER due to related issues to the bad Thai food; approximately 3 hours at the pediatrician's office taking BOTH of my children in for a high fever, sore throat and ear infection; 2 hours on the phone with my temp division because 9 of my temps didn't receive their checks; 24 hours prepping for a colonoscopy as a result of my weekend stomach issues; at least 5 hours worrying that it wasn't bad Thai food and that I was dying; 90 minutes under anesthesia as my gastroenterologist put a tube up my tush to see if it really was bad Thai food or something else (it was something else); and the rest of the week trying to fill the 12 jobs I'm currently working on. Would that have been a more appropriate answer? 

Even with unemployment at 15%, it's harder and harder to find great candidates. Everyone out there has shtick...for those of you without Yiddish grandmas; shtick is a nice Jewish word for BULLSHIT. No matter what you do (or don't do); someone always has something to say about it. Here's a candidate who's been out of work for quite some time, with high salary expectations and I was able to get an interview for her. She has the audacity to bitch about my efforts and the fact that I didn't drop everything in my life to take her phone call when it was convenient for her?

These candidates that come to my office thinking they are the best of the best and act like THEY'RE doing ME a favor are ridiculous. The only thing they are doing is wasting my time. I understand you're frustrated and probably scared that you haven't worked and need to find employment before Uncle Sam comes knocking...but I'm here to help you...not bow down to you. For every unemployed sob story, there's a phenomenal candidate who's been with their current employer for 5 years and decides they are ready for the next step or someone who lost their job and is ready, willing and excited that I'm willing to help them with their search...that's who you're up against.

So perhaps you should see the coin from the other side. Realize that I'm working my colonoscopied ass off for you in every way possible. I want you to get a job because THAT'S HOW I MAKE MY MONEY...but if you give me attitude, a hard time, or think you come before everyone else; chances are you'll never hear from me again. I'd rather work with those that are not as qualified but appreciative then with someone who thinks they deserve a job for one reason or another…

So in the words of Colonel Nathan Jessep (aka Jack Nicholson) in A Few Good Men...

"You don't want the truth.  Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall.  You need me on that wall...I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it. I'd prefer you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post.  Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to.”

Good Night and Happy Job Hunting,

The Job Yenta