HOW DO YOU MAKE A TISSUE DANCE?

You blow a little boogie into it!!!

Yes, I have a 5 year old's sense of humor, but what do you expect? I have a 5 year old...I certainly can't bust out my "Truly Tasteless Joke" books from the 80's.

So why the sophomoric joke? Because it was exactly what I was thinking the other day as I sat across from a candidate with a booger in her nose. I mean it's one thing to politely offer someone a mint when they have bad breath...but how do you clandestinely tell a perfect stranger she needs to blow her nose??? "Your resume looks great, but I can't find you a job until you wipe that shit that's hanging form your left nostril!" I mean YUCK YUCK YUCK.

After she left my office, I started to write an imaginary list on all the things my candidates need to do BEFORE coming to meet me:

1. Blow your nose...PLEASE
2. Spit out your gum...you look like a horse
3. Check your teeth for food/lipstick...I already had lunch
4. Eat a mint if you've smoked...actually scratch that...DON'T smoke before coming to see me because I'm not going to place an ashtray with ANY of my clients no matter how FABULOUS you might be
5. Cover up any undergarments...I'm happily married
6. Finish eating your lunch/drinking your coffee...this isn't Starbucks
7. Silence your phone-Ed McMahon's not calling to tell you you won Publisher's Clearing House and Yolanda Vega doesn't announce the winning lottery numbers until 7:30pm
8. Put on a smile...if you're miserable, disgruntled or completely desperate, and it shows, chances are I'm going to have a hard time embracing your candidacy because my clients won't hire Oscar the Grouch (again, 5 year old reference).

These are pretty simple requests, almost obvious I would think...but the stories I could tell. I remember meeting with a woman many years ago with 30+ years of experience. She was lovely...reminded me of my grandma...especially since she had an entire tube of lipstick on her teeth. And as we sat and chatted, I quickly fell in love with her, so when she asked me why I thought she was having SUCH a hard time finding a job, I said, "Can I be honest???" To which she replied, "Yes, of course." "While this is not the SOLE reason, or even the main reason...but your lipstick not only looks like you put it on in the dark; its all over your teeth and the color is atrocious," I blurted out with a smile. Thankfully she started to laugh and thanked me profusely. I gave her a few more pointers and while I wasn't able to place her, I know she left my office better than when she came in (she told me so)!

Sometimes I'm afraid to be brutally honest as I never want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I can't get over how clueless some people can be. YOU ARE YOUR BOOK COVER...I can't say it enough times!!! How you dress for an interview with me, is a clear indication how you will present with the client. Would you go on a date with messy hair or food in your teeth? So why would you come to an interview like that...especially when our "date" has the potential for a better paycheck...

So take a minute to compose yourself before you walk through my door. I'm not looking for designer clothes, salon coiffed hair, or red soled shoes...just someone who takes pride in their presentation...a clear sign that shows you take your search seriously.  You only get one chance to make a first impression and remember employment, unlike love, is NOT blind.

Good Night and Happy Job Hunting,
The Job Yenta