Tuesday, July 17, 2012


When I was in junior high, my father started making a buzzer sound EVERY time I used the word LIKE or the words YA KNOW where they didn't belong. Eventually, I stopped filling awkward silences with useless words, learned to collect my thoughts before speaking and, started hating any noise that remotely sounded like a buzzer.

So you can only imagine how every time a candidate sits across from me, twirling her hair, and using that DAMN word I want to make a loud BUZZER noise in her face. Sometimes I want to do it for pure shock value. At least she had the decency to take her sunglasses off her head or I would've thought she just stepped off the set of "Square Pegs."

Trying to get through these interviews is like getting waxed by Edward Scissorhands...I mean, MY G-D...these candidates are just better off not talking. There has to be a way to help them without rudely telling them they sound like an idiot. And what amazes me, is these candidates have jobs...how the hell did someone hire them? Perhaps they bonded over, like, coffee and froyo, ya know?

I know people get nervous, but there's no way their parents can sit and listen to them talk...or their bosses for that matter. It's just a horrible way to communicate...forget MacBeth...English teachers should be teaching proper diction and how to have a conversation without the use of fillers.

And while we're on the topic, TAKE THAT GUM OUT OF YOUR MOUTH...nothing says hire me more than a wad of HUBBA BUBBA. Instead of polite, well mannered, hard working, well spoken college grads, I'm often faced with lip smacking, fake tanned, "daddy, the BMW needs gas" candidates who "won't take less than 50K..." and need to be out by 5:30 so they can get to SoulCycle, because "Rocco is the best spin teacher on the planet!!!"  Nothing says hire me more than your $5000 Chanel bag, and 2 carat diamond studs. I definitely think the idea of working hard now, so you can play later is lost on Generation Y.

So here's my advice for all those that just graduated with a degree in one hand, and a sense of entitlement in the other...don't think because you finished college that the world owes you anything. You, like the rest of America, need to prove yourself before someone is going to pat you on the back and tell you how wonderful you are. As the first generation of kids of "helicoptering parents," it's time to realize that NOT everyone gets a trophy; there ARE losers; sometimes it's NOT alright; and if you don't do it, NO one will do it for you. This is the real world and if you're not willing to put the time, effort and energy into it, someone else will. You're officially a little fish in a big pond, so start swimming. Eventually you'll find your footing and make a difference...but until then, be prepared to work hard for what you want...and if you're parents are smart, they'll stop enabling your spoiled habits. Because at the end of the day, you CAN do it...you just have to want to do it. Commit to a position and don't always look for something bigger or that pays more...there is value in commitment...and while I'm not recommending you stay at the same company for the next 30 years like so many of our parents did, there's something to be said for the person who can commit and climb the corporate ladder. Be smart in your professional journey, make calculated moves, and you will be rewarded handsomely...but navigate it like you would a Manolo sample sale, and chances are you're going to end up with a horrible looking resume, a few regrets and some bad blisters.

Good Day & Happy Job Hunting,

The Job Yenta