FAIRYTALE INTERRUPTED

About two months ago, I found out from a candidate that her aunt wrote a book. Now the aunt, happened to have been my former candidate and what makes her unique is that she was the former assistant to John F. Kennedy Jr. And thirteen years after his untimely death, she shares her story about her journey with him for the last five years of his life. I read it in two days which may not seem so fast, but with two kids and a business to run, I had a lot of "stomachaches" that kept me in the bathroom for hours during that time.
It was a wonderful story that made me laugh out loud and brought tears to my eyes. It was poignant; it was honest; it was inspiring; and sadly, it was tragic. It's a wonderful tribute to not only "the most famous man in the world," but to her boss.

I never had a thing for JFK Jr...not that I had something against him; but I never understood the allure. After reading her book, it all made sense. But what I really took away from the book was that as lucky as she was to land a job people would've killed for, he was even luckier to have found her. Her loyalty, compassion and true commitment to him were traits JFK Jr. searched for, but so rarely found. She was a true gatekeeper...assisting him with everything from who should be on the first cover of "George" to the intricate details of his wedding to Carolyn. She never let his status or fame allow her to stray from what was most important...being his right hand. She was his bad cop; his sounding board; his confidante and together they forged an unbelievable relationship that ended abruptly on July 16, 1999.

This story is true testament to the bond you can form with your boss. Being an assistant to someone can be one of the most rewarding jobs as you get to learn from someone at the top of their game, enjoy many of the same perks, all while remaining anonymous amongst the thousands that share your profession. I often complain about the crap that my candidates pull; or rant about the abuse some of them have taken (or some of my clients have given) but this blog is warm & fuzzy...and it's dedicated to someone who deserves all the success she's enjoying. An amazing story by an amazing woman...Fairytale Interrupted...a must read!

Good night and Happy Job Hunting,

The Job Yenta

HOW DO YOU MAKE A TISSUE DANCE?

You blow a little boogie into it!!!

Yes, I have a 5 year old's sense of humor, but what do you expect? I have a 5 year old...I certainly can't bust out my "Truly Tasteless Joke" books from the 80's.

So why the sophomoric joke? Because it was exactly what I was thinking the other day as I sat across from a candidate with a booger in her nose. I mean it's one thing to politely offer someone a mint when they have bad breath...but how do you clandestinely tell a perfect stranger she needs to blow her nose??? "Your resume looks great, but I can't find you a job until you wipe that shit that's hanging form your left nostril!" I mean YUCK YUCK YUCK.

After she left my office, I started to write an imaginary list on all the things my candidates need to do BEFORE coming to meet me:

1. Blow your nose...PLEASE
2. Spit out your gum...you look like a horse
3. Check your teeth for food/lipstick...I already had lunch
4. Eat a mint if you've smoked...actually scratch that...DON'T smoke before coming to see me because I'm not going to place an ashtray with ANY of my clients no matter how FABULOUS you might be
5. Cover up any undergarments...I'm happily married
6. Finish eating your lunch/drinking your coffee...this isn't Starbucks
7. Silence your phone-Ed McMahon's not calling to tell you you won Publisher's Clearing House and Yolanda Vega doesn't announce the winning lottery numbers until 7:30pm
8. Put on a smile...if you're miserable, disgruntled or completely desperate, and it shows, chances are I'm going to have a hard time embracing your candidacy because my clients won't hire Oscar the Grouch (again, 5 year old reference).

These are pretty simple requests, almost obvious I would think...but the stories I could tell. I remember meeting with a woman many years ago with 30+ years of experience. She was lovely...reminded me of my grandma...especially since she had an entire tube of lipstick on her teeth. And as we sat and chatted, I quickly fell in love with her, so when she asked me why I thought she was having SUCH a hard time finding a job, I said, "Can I be honest???" To which she replied, "Yes, of course." "While this is not the SOLE reason, or even the main reason...but your lipstick not only looks like you put it on in the dark; its all over your teeth and the color is atrocious," I blurted out with a smile. Thankfully she started to laugh and thanked me profusely. I gave her a few more pointers and while I wasn't able to place her, I know she left my office better than when she came in (she told me so)!

Sometimes I'm afraid to be brutally honest as I never want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I can't get over how clueless some people can be. YOU ARE YOUR BOOK COVER...I can't say it enough times!!! How you dress for an interview with me, is a clear indication how you will present with the client. Would you go on a date with messy hair or food in your teeth? So why would you come to an interview like that...especially when our "date" has the potential for a better paycheck...

So take a minute to compose yourself before you walk through my door. I'm not looking for designer clothes, salon coiffed hair, or red soled shoes...just someone who takes pride in their presentation...a clear sign that shows you take your search seriously.  You only get one chance to make a first impression and remember employment, unlike love, is NOT blind.

Good Night and Happy Job Hunting,
The Job Yenta

YOU SNOOZE...YOU LOSE

So the other day a candidate was referred to me who had been out of work for two years. A high level executive, the poor guy was a victim of the financial crisis and hasn't been able to get his footing. Recently, he started working for a construction company performing carpentry as needed. I had a client who was looking for a mailroom assistant which was the perfect opportunity to get back into a corporate environment, while maintaining his "handyman" work on the side.

The client quickly picked up on his resume and asked if he could come in the very next day as they were anxious to fill their vacancy. I spoke to the candidate that night and he was ready and excited to nail the interview.

Fast forward twelve hours, and I get an email from the client..."XXXX never showed up..." WHAT???? Are you serious? HE MUST BE DEAD...because if he's not, I'm going to KILL him. SO I quickly call his cell and it goes straight to voicemail. AH...maybe he's stuck in the subway and can't connect to let me know he's going to be late. That HAS to be it. So I proceed to call his phone every 5 minutes, expecting a breathless man to pick up, apologizing for the horrendous transportation system...10 minutes go by; 15; 20...as this point I've emailed him and said, "You better be dead...otherwise, you really F'D up!!!" Finally at 10:30, he calls and tells me that he woke up, got dressed, sat down to relax because he was ready a bit early...and FELL ASLEEP IN HIS SUIT! What a SCHMUCK! Are you serious? Unless you are narcoleptic or drunk, no one falls asleep that quickly after waking up! and in your SUIT...who can sleep with a noose essentially tied around their neck? Normally, I wouldn't believe him, but for some reason I felt bad for this guy. I genuinely thought he made a mistake...unfortunately, my client was not so sympathetic and wouldn't see him.

It's a classic (not to mention literal) case of you snooze...you lose. This was his shot and he blew it. I told my husband (who the candidate was actually referred to) that I felt bad, and he was like, "Why? You didn't f@#$%k up...he did." It's true. Here was his chance to get back out there, which is so hard when you've been out of work for awhile, and he dropped the ball. I mean I'm up at 5am almost every day with my daughter and I manage to stay awake until at LEAST 9:30pm every night...

He must've called me 30 times before the client came back saying she wouldn't see him. He was devastated...but hopefully he'll learn from it...because that's really what you should do. Don't drown yourself in your own misery. Keep your head up and move on. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and at the end of the day, I have NO REGRETS...except that one time in college...

Good night and happy job hunting,
The Job Yenta

GET OFF YOUR F&*(*&*($%$% PHONE

Nothing sends me into a tizzy more then someone who talks on their cell phone in an elevator. While I spend 90 seconds descending floors, I have to hear about your naked evening/one night stand/stomach problems/awful boss...all I want is to enjoy the silence as I try to ignore the stench of your HORRIFIC  perfume. I was a breath away from screaming, "GET OFF YOUR F@#%&*%( PHONE" when the doors opened and out she pranced, horrific fur coat and all.

What has happened to this world? Where's the respect and proper etiquette that used to exist? Are the British Monarchy the only ones that still sip tea with their pinky a fly? Gone are the days of silence is golden, elbows off the table (how can one text without them), long meals and actual conversations. Cell phones have changed our lives whether we like it or not. Just a few weeks ago, a woman was killed by an elevator. She didn't see the "out of service" sign because she was texting as she stepped into it. Up it shot...folding her like a cheap suit, causing her premature demise.

And of course there are those candidates whose cell phones go off during interviews. I'm sorry...but for 60 minutes, there is NO one that NEEDS to get a hold of you. Even if it's your child's school calling to say little Tommy threw up on his teacher and needs to be picked up, they are not going to throw him onto the street...they will keep him safe and sound in the infirmary until you can get him. We are ALL addicted to our phones and unfortunately it doesn't look like there's any rehab in sight.

Apps; text messages; BBM; FACE time...it's virtually (no pun intended) impossible to disconnect yourself from the world. What fun is that...I mean do we really NEED a waterproof cell phone cover so you can take it scuba diving...just in case Warren Buffet calls while you're 20 feet under asking if you want to take over Berkshire Hathaway? I mean c'mon people...let go. Go out. Smell the roses. Enjoy the coffee. Remember what is was like when all that existed were landlines, Atari, AM/FM radio and network television. Life was simple. The Cosby Show made us laugh and my friends made emergency break-throughs because there was no such thing as call waiting.

And to all my job hunters out there...your cell phone is your BEST friend...stay connected; be available to your recruiter or friends helping you with you search. Return messages; respond to texts; don't go MIA. BUT...after you put on your suit, print out your resume and SPIT OUT YOUR GUM...turn off said phone...because no one likes to be interrupted or think that someone or someTHING is more important then they are...especially the person looking to determine your dedication and commitment to their company.

Good night and happy job hunting,
The Job Yenta

A LOT ON MY PLATE

The other day, I had a candidate unleash into a 30 minute tirade about how when she called my office, my colleague told her the reason I didn't call her back IMMEDIATELY was because I had a lot on my plate and promised that I would get in touch with her before her scheduled interview (she had called me Thursday night for a Monday interview). She felt that saying, "I had a lot on my plate" was unprofessional and rude.

Ok...what he should've said was that over the course of 10 days, I spent 48 hours in a fetal position, in too much pain to walk from bad Thai food; 10 hours in the ER due to related issues to the bad Thai food; approximately 3 hours at the pediatrician's office taking BOTH of my children in for a high fever, sore throat and ear infection; 2 hours on the phone with my temp division because 9 of my temps didn't receive their checks; 24 hours prepping for a colonoscopy as a result of my weekend stomach issues; at least 5 hours worrying that it wasn't bad Thai food and that I was dying; 90 minutes under anesthesia as my gastroenterologist put a tube up my tush to see if it really was bad Thai food or something else (it was something else); and the rest of the week trying to fill the 12 jobs I'm currently working on. Would that have been a more appropriate answer? 

Even with unemployment at 15%, it's harder and harder to find great candidates. Everyone out there has shtick...for those of you without Yiddish grandmas; shtick is a nice Jewish word for BULLSHIT. No matter what you do (or don't do); someone always has something to say about it. Here's a candidate who's been out of work for quite some time, with high salary expectations and I was able to get an interview for her. She has the audacity to bitch about my efforts and the fact that I didn't drop everything in my life to take her phone call when it was convenient for her?

These candidates that come to my office thinking they are the best of the best and act like THEY'RE doing ME a favor are ridiculous. The only thing they are doing is wasting my time. I understand you're frustrated and probably scared that you haven't worked and need to find employment before Uncle Sam comes knocking...but I'm here to help you...not bow down to you. For every unemployed sob story, there's a phenomenal candidate who's been with their current employer for 5 years and decides they are ready for the next step or someone who lost their job and is ready, willing and excited that I'm willing to help them with their search...that's who you're up against.

So perhaps you should see the coin from the other side. Realize that I'm working my colonoscopied ass off for you in every way possible. I want you to get a job because THAT'S HOW I MAKE MY MONEY...but if you give me attitude, a hard time, or think you come before everyone else; chances are you'll never hear from me again. I'd rather work with those that are not as qualified but appreciative then with someone who thinks they deserve a job for one reason or another…

So in the words of Colonel Nathan Jessep (aka Jack Nicholson) in A Few Good Men...

"You don't want the truth.  Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall.  You need me on that wall...I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it. I'd prefer you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post.  Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to.”

Good Night and Happy Job Hunting,

The Job Yenta

LITTLE WHITE ELEPHANTS STUFFED WITH HAY

It's been awhile since I've posted, but the summer has presented me with some amazing triumphs, and some devastating tragedies. It's been tough to focus on my blog, but I've been inspired to write again with the promise of being more diligent about my posts come the fall.

So what inspired me you ask...well a good friend of mine owns a sleepaway camp in PA, and as the last night of camp approached, she wrote a letter to her campers and staff thanking them for making her job as amazing as it is. It instantly made me cry as I was transported back to my days at Camp White Oaks. A place where I spent 10 years of my life and managed to grow up and stay young at the same time. A place that set the groundwork for all that I've become. It taught me how to share and live communally. It taught me that life is not over when the cute boy in the other bunk likes your best friend instead of you. It taught me that stopping the winning goal is not so fabulous when you send the girl who was about to kick it to the hospital (true story...sorry Robbie wherever you are). It taught me that frozen Snickers, freeze pops and Charleston Chew are GREAT substitutes for any meal of the day. And it taught me that the relationships that you make as you navigate life may help you one day so you should always be kind, compassionate and caring. I spent 530 days of my life at that place and I've thought about it every day since it closed on August 1, 1992. And up until my father passed away 4 1/2 years later, that was the most tragic day of my life.

So what does camp have to do with recruiting and the workforce? Well one of my favorite parts of camp was Color War (many camps have changed the name or now call it Olympics because they feel it's not politically correct to use War, but it will always be War to me). Anyway, when Color War broke, and the camp was divided, 8 individuals were chosen to "lead" their team into battle. After 6 1/2 weeks of living with 15-20 campers, days filled with activities and nights caring for the homesick, the heart broken and the unhappy, these eight people committed everything they had to win. For seven days, they did not sleep, barely ate, and encouraged, cheered and supported their teams through the thrill of victory...and the agony of defeat (always loved ABC sports). There was also a laundry list of "things" that needed to be created based on the theme of your team:

1. banner
2. scoreboard
3. team flag
4. team t-shirts, all spray painted with a custom designed stencil based on the theme
5. and a 6-8 foot totem pole (see picture)

And regardless of how organized or anal you were (and I was both hence my propensity for being a great EA), you always had 15 people standing around with blow dryers making sure the paint was dry 5 minutes before the judges came around. At the end, as each team sat across from one another, singing about the amazing time we had, and the friends that we would miss, we cried. And regardless of who won (as my record was 2 and 7, it was never me), you always ended up loving everyone in the room...ok, I've digressed. The point was regardless of how tired, overworked or underpaid we were; or how meaningless, or meaningful it was, we were all committed to making each summer the best it could be.  It's what still resonates in camps today. It was exactly what my friend wrote about...

And yet when I present a candidate who can barely get arrested, the opportunity for a salary, benefits and the prospect of not sucking on the government unemployment teet anymore, they no show without so much as a call, email, text or tweet. So I ask myself, "Where's the commitment?" Where's the sense of self worth that we all look for as we navigate through life? And where's the common decency to the friend who put their reputation on the line to get you the interview? Obviously he NEVER went to camp OR wrote an alma mater at 3am!!!

When I meet a candidate I always gauge their conviction and their commitment. Looking for a job IS a full time job so it's important to be 100% on both counts. And what I've found as I've gotten older is that commitment is the first thing that goes. Sad to think that while I'm trying to help, others are holding up their middle finger and thinking they're getting the last laugh. But in reality, this is a war I ALWAYS win...So here's to all the people who went to White Oaks...my little white elephants stuffed with hay...thank you for teaching me so much as it truly shaped who I am today. I am forever committed to you...

Good Night and Happy Job Hunting,

The JobYenta

DEEP THOUGHTS BY THE JOB YENTA

It's been awhile since I've posted as my life has been all over the place and I've had to focus on personal things. However, one thing I've realized is how truly appreciative I am of the profession I've chosen. It's given me the flexibility to be there for my children when they've needed me and remained lucrative enough so I can continue to fund their Barbie/Mickey Mouse habits.

As someone who's been in sales for the past ten years, I've learned the true meaning of "Persistence BEATS resistance." I'm a pro at picking myself up, dusting myself off and giving it my all time and time again. And recently this has been tested more than ever. As a recruiter, I pride myself on the reputations I've made both with my clients and my candidates. "It's NEVER the first sale, but rather the SECOND that's impressive," my husband always says...and he couldn't be more correct. Over the past few months, I've relaunched my business, The Corporate Ladder, to the warmest, most enthusiastic response. New clients are calling in almost daily, and candidates whom I haven't heard from in years are getting back in touch...either looking for new positions or referring their amazing friends who are in search of their own "golden ticket." These events allow me to forge ahead and make looking my teary eyed daughter in the face to say, "Mommy has to go to work today," a little easier.

The amazing part of my career is that not one of my dreams or ambitions included recruiting. It was something I tried on the suggestion of a great friend who thought I'd be good at it. Orthopedic Surgeon; Veterinarian; Copywriter...those were all the things I aspired to be. But never a recruiter. The only thing I knew about recruiters was that I hated them. Why you might ask...Well, after completing my masters degree two weeks after my father had died, I was somewhere between coherent and numb. So I picked up the New York Times (how ARCHAIC) and started calling all of the ads that looked appealing. One in particular caught my eye - Conference Coordinator for International Company.This ad was posted by a recruiter, so we set up an appointment to meet. The first thing she told me was that I needed to take my masters degree off my resume because it was going to scare potential employers since I didn't have the experience to back it up. Great...so happy I wasted four million dollars and the past 18 months of my life. The next question was -"What do you want to do?" My reply? "Anything, as long as I'm NOT AN ASSISTANT!"  Three interviews and an interrogation later, I landed my first job as a Conference Coordinator (read-glorified assistant). But when I asked her to see if they would give me $24,000 instead of the $23,500 they offered, she said she had already accepted the job on my behalf and I started that Monday. After a few choice words and a big YOU SUCK, I hung up the phone, called my mom, and was officially employed on February 10, 1997...my 24th birthday. Pretty ironic that now I'm a recruiter AND I place assistants for a living...good thing I got over my issues.

I may bitch and complain about the candidates who fall off the face of the earth or the clients who take forever to make a decision only to hire an internal referral at the last minute, but at the end of the day, I'm truly blessed to do what I do. I get to help people, foster some amazing relationships and make really good money...all while balancing a life in the suburbs with two kids, a great husband and a bounce house in the backyard.

Thank you to all those who have joined me on my journey. My new chapter has begun...and I'm so happy to have all of you along for the ride!

Good night and happy job hunting,

The Job Yenta