WE'RE GOING TO KENTUCKY...

I know it's been about eight months since my last post and to my avid followers, I apologize. Life, writer's block and a myriad of other things got in the way...

Turning 40 has not sat well with me...I don't want to get old...and for some reason I'm feeling as though this birthday marks a significant milestone...I really AM an adult...you would've thought the first time my daughter called me, "Mommy" I would've had that epiphany, but I didn't. Up until about four weeks ago, I still sat at the kids' table at holidays. Still enjoyed the food served in the kids room at any affair I attended over the food served in the "main dining room." Still wear no makeup, my hair in a ponytail and can sing, "We're going to Kentucky, We're going to the fair..." with the best of them. I am truly young at heart and have always lived accordingly. And yes there's been the 40-year old virgin...but the 40-year old child? I think not. 

But as I sit in my kitchen the day before my 40th birthday, staring out at the beautiful winter wonderland mother nature delivered overnight, I found myself inspired and wanting to pen a new entry...

As a resident of the tri-state area, I had the distinct pleasure of living through hurricane sandy (cue the sarcasm)...two weeks without power, moving between four houses over the course of 14 days,  explaining to my tear-stained children why we can't go home and cleaning out my fish tank of the gorgeous fish that didn't last the cold snap that enveloped my powerless house. This horrific storm reeked havoc on my life, my children's lives and most of my friends and loved ones in ways that have forever scarred us. 

So as Snowstorm Nemo approached, I watched as everyone hunkered down and prepared for the worst...except me. I've had one too many arcade parties cancelled to worry about a few inches of powder. Actually, I was excited...we haven't had a good snow storm in almost two years, so I was thrilled to have a white oasis to ring in the next decade. Waking in the morning, getting my girls dressed in their snow gear, and greasing up my sled like Clark Griswold, made me feel like I was 10 years old again. What's better then hitting the hills for a day of laughs, sledding and hot chocolate? And that's when it hit me...age really IS just a number...

So what does all of this have to do with employment, the job market, etc...since that's what all my posts are about? Well, I've realized over the past few days, that it's never too late to reinvent yourself. 40 could very well be the new 20. Who cares what age group you check off on any form, ultimately, it's how you live your life that's important. Often times candidates will come to my office saying they need a new direction...something that excites them and makes them want to get up in the morning and go to work. And my advice is simple...then do it. Anything in life is achievable if you want it. Every  negative thought has a positive answer floating around somewhere...you just have to find it. Talk to everyone you know...and to everyone they know. Be diligent. Offer to work for free to prove yourself. And take a leap of faith...calculated or not, you're bound to discover something along the way. Life is too short, so do what you love.

Over the next 24 hours I will journey into the next decade. I wasn't looking forward to the days leading up to it, but the events that have taken place have put a new smile on face, and youthful glow back in my heart...Meeting one of my favorite pop stars; a wonderful makeover courtesy of the local salon; a day of sledding with my girls; and a few dinner celebrations on the horizons...I am ready to embark on the next chapter. And should any obstacles come along that give me pause, or I'm feeling too much like an adult...I'll bust out my "Frankie Says" t-shirt, banana clip, and Jordache jeans, turn on Cyndi Lauper and sing, at the top of my lungs, "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun..." because I am determined to stay "Forever Young."

Have a great day and happy job hunting,

The Job Yenta

I LIKE HATE, THE LIKE WORD LIKE...LIKE, YA KNOW

When I was in junior high, my father started making a buzzer sound EVERY time I used the word LIKE or the words YA KNOW where they didn't belong. Eventually, I stopped filling awkward silences with useless words, learned to collect my thoughts before speaking and, started hating any noise that remotely sounded like a buzzer.

So you can only imagine how every time a candidate sits across from me, twirling her hair, and using that DAMN word I want to make a loud BUZZER noise in her face. Sometimes I want to do it for pure shock value. At least she had the decency to take her sunglasses off her head or I would've thought she just stepped off the set of "Square Pegs."

Trying to get through these interviews is like getting waxed by Edward Scissorhands...I mean, MY G-D...these candidates are just better off not talking. There has to be a way to help them without rudely telling them they sound like an idiot. And what amazes me, is these candidates have jobs...how the hell did someone hire them? Perhaps they bonded over, like, coffee and froyo, ya know?

I know people get nervous, but there's no way their parents can sit and listen to them talk...or their bosses for that matter. It's just a horrible way to communicate...forget MacBeth...English teachers should be teaching proper diction and how to have a conversation without the use of fillers.

And while we're on the topic, TAKE THAT GUM OUT OF YOUR MOUTH...nothing says hire me more than a wad of HUBBA BUBBA. Instead of polite, well mannered, hard working, well spoken college grads, I'm often faced with lip smacking, fake tanned, "daddy, the BMW needs gas" candidates who "won't take less than 50K..." and need to be out by 5:30 so they can get to SoulCycle, because "Rocco is the best spin teacher on the planet!!!"  Nothing says hire me more than your $5000 Chanel bag, and 2 carat diamond studs. I definitely think the idea of working hard now, so you can play later is lost on Generation Y.

So here's my advice for all those that just graduated with a degree in one hand, and a sense of entitlement in the other...don't think because you finished college that the world owes you anything. You, like the rest of America, need to prove yourself before someone is going to pat you on the back and tell you how wonderful you are. As the first generation of kids of "helicoptering parents," it's time to realize that NOT everyone gets a trophy; there ARE losers; sometimes it's NOT alright; and if you don't do it, NO one will do it for you. This is the real world and if you're not willing to put the time, effort and energy into it, someone else will. You're officially a little fish in a big pond, so start swimming. Eventually you'll find your footing and make a difference...but until then, be prepared to work hard for what you want...and if you're parents are smart, they'll stop enabling your spoiled habits. Because at the end of the day, you CAN do it...you just have to want to do it. Commit to a position and don't always look for something bigger or that pays more...there is value in commitment...and while I'm not recommending you stay at the same company for the next 30 years like so many of our parents did, there's something to be said for the person who can commit and climb the corporate ladder. Be smart in your professional journey, make calculated moves, and you will be rewarded handsomely...but navigate it like you would a Manolo sample sale, and chances are you're going to end up with a horrible looking resume, a few regrets and some bad blisters.

Good Day & Happy Job Hunting,

The Job Yenta

50 SHADES OF YENTA

So now that I'm half way through 50 Shades for the SECOND time (after finishing all three in a mere six days), I have spent many hours trying to figure why I, like most of America, am obsessed with Christian Grey and all that he brings to the lemon polished, red leather table. I've had conversations with my girlfriends, searched the Internet for anything "Grey" related, and as mentioned, am reading the trilogy again. And here's what I've come up with...

I'm a hopeless romantic. I love to love and I love BEING loved. When I drift off into lala land, Jake Ryan on the glass table, John Cusack with the boom box, Richard Gere climbing the fire escape, Judd Nelson embracing the diamond earring all flash through my head (clearly I'm also obsessed with 80s rom coms, but that's for a different blog). Yes, the sex between Mr. Grey and Miss Steele is ridiculously hot and erotic, but when I was 21, it was pretty good too (minus the flogger of course). But it's the deep sense of respect, love and passion that he has for her that truly draws me in. To be that passionate about someone (or something for that matter) is amazing. Every time she feels alone, endangered or scared, he's right there - copper highlighted hair, white linen shirt, silk tie and all. Everything he does is to protect, provide and honor her in a way so few ever get to experience. Now granted, 24/7 security, her own company and a wardrobe that rivals Anna Wintour's are all material things that should not hold meaning. This coupled with the fact that they are young and he's FILTHY rich, make for a great read...but for some reason, I believe that if he was poor, he would find other things to lavish her with that weren't material.

So how does 50 Shades relate to the job world? (Because in between daydreams, I know that this is what my blog is about)...one word - PASSION. When I was little, my father always said, "If you LOVE what I do, you will never work a day in my life." It's a phrase that has always stayed with me and 11 years into my career I completely understand why. Think about it...if someone told you that you would spend 50 hours/week doing something you didn't like (or worse HATED), you would look at that person like they were CRAZY. Waking up every morning and going to a job that you dislike, it about as pleasant as the prep for a colonoscopy...

Every day I meet someone who hates their job and wishes they could make a change. I look at them and say, "Why can't you?" Change, while scary, can truly be a great thing. Obviously there should be some thought in your next move. And while you might not be able to do what you love (hence why I'm not training dolphins at SeaWorld right now), you can certainly embark on a path to something you like and/or interests you. Think outside the box. Really ask yourself the hard questions...What interests me? What am I good at? Can I afford to make the change? If the answer to the last questions is, "YES," then you really have nothing holding you back. Make a PROS and CONS list. Talk to everyone you know. Use the Internet to research what your passionate about. Maybe you want to make children's clothes. Or perhaps you love doing makeup. Or a calculator and anything numerical gets your blood pumping. Whatever it is, don't be afraid to go after it. And do it before it's too late. As Randy Pausch said in his now famous, "The Last Lecture," achieving your childhood dream is something you can do! Whether you do it at 15 or 50, don't give up on doing what you love. And if you're lucky enough to make money in the process, well then, GOOD FOR YOU. One of my old bosses always said, "Say YES...and then figure out how to do it." And I always keep that in the back of my mind when embarking through uncharted waters. Truth is, after 39 years, I haven't come across something I couldn't do...only what I was afraid to do.

So thank you E.L. James for creating Mr. Grey. His take no prisoners attitude toward his professional life, coupled with his deep love for Miss Steele and the family that saved him, inspire me. Love, passion and commitment do exist out there...if you can't find them, create them. Then work hard to maintain them. And remember, you get what you give...so always tackle life head on with reckless abandon. While it may not be easy, I doubt you'll be disappointed.

Have a Great Day and Happy Job Hunting,
The Job Yenta

FAIRYTALE INTERRUPTED

About two months ago, I found out from a candidate that her aunt wrote a book. Now the aunt, happened to have been my former candidate and what makes her unique is that she was the former assistant to John F. Kennedy Jr. And thirteen years after his untimely death, she shares her story about her journey with him for the last five years of his life. I read it in two days which may not seem so fast, but with two kids and a business to run, I had a lot of "stomachaches" that kept me in the bathroom for hours during that time.
It was a wonderful story that made me laugh out loud and brought tears to my eyes. It was poignant; it was honest; it was inspiring; and sadly, it was tragic. It's a wonderful tribute to not only "the most famous man in the world," but to her boss.

I never had a thing for JFK Jr...not that I had something against him; but I never understood the allure. After reading her book, it all made sense. But what I really took away from the book was that as lucky as she was to land a job people would've killed for, he was even luckier to have found her. Her loyalty, compassion and true commitment to him were traits JFK Jr. searched for, but so rarely found. She was a true gatekeeper...assisting him with everything from who should be on the first cover of "George" to the intricate details of his wedding to Carolyn. She never let his status or fame allow her to stray from what was most important...being his right hand. She was his bad cop; his sounding board; his confidante and together they forged an unbelievable relationship that ended abruptly on July 16, 1999.

This story is true testament to the bond you can form with your boss. Being an assistant to someone can be one of the most rewarding jobs as you get to learn from someone at the top of their game, enjoy many of the same perks, all while remaining anonymous amongst the thousands that share your profession. I often complain about the crap that my candidates pull; or rant about the abuse some of them have taken (or some of my clients have given) but this blog is warm & fuzzy...and it's dedicated to someone who deserves all the success she's enjoying. An amazing story by an amazing woman...Fairytale Interrupted...a must read!

Good night and Happy Job Hunting,

The Job Yenta

HOW DO YOU MAKE A TISSUE DANCE?

You blow a little boogie into it!!!

Yes, I have a 5 year old's sense of humor, but what do you expect? I have a 5 year old...I certainly can't bust out my "Truly Tasteless Joke" books from the 80's.

So why the sophomoric joke? Because it was exactly what I was thinking the other day as I sat across from a candidate with a booger in her nose. I mean it's one thing to politely offer someone a mint when they have bad breath...but how do you clandestinely tell a perfect stranger she needs to blow her nose??? "Your resume looks great, but I can't find you a job until you wipe that shit that's hanging form your left nostril!" I mean YUCK YUCK YUCK.

After she left my office, I started to write an imaginary list on all the things my candidates need to do BEFORE coming to meet me:

1. Blow your nose...PLEASE
2. Spit out your gum...you look like a horse
3. Check your teeth for food/lipstick...I already had lunch
4. Eat a mint if you've smoked...actually scratch that...DON'T smoke before coming to see me because I'm not going to place an ashtray with ANY of my clients no matter how FABULOUS you might be
5. Cover up any undergarments...I'm happily married
6. Finish eating your lunch/drinking your coffee...this isn't Starbucks
7. Silence your phone-Ed McMahon's not calling to tell you you won Publisher's Clearing House and Yolanda Vega doesn't announce the winning lottery numbers until 7:30pm
8. Put on a smile...if you're miserable, disgruntled or completely desperate, and it shows, chances are I'm going to have a hard time embracing your candidacy because my clients won't hire Oscar the Grouch (again, 5 year old reference).

These are pretty simple requests, almost obvious I would think...but the stories I could tell. I remember meeting with a woman many years ago with 30+ years of experience. She was lovely...reminded me of my grandma...especially since she had an entire tube of lipstick on her teeth. And as we sat and chatted, I quickly fell in love with her, so when she asked me why I thought she was having SUCH a hard time finding a job, I said, "Can I be honest???" To which she replied, "Yes, of course." "While this is not the SOLE reason, or even the main reason...but your lipstick not only looks like you put it on in the dark; its all over your teeth and the color is atrocious," I blurted out with a smile. Thankfully she started to laugh and thanked me profusely. I gave her a few more pointers and while I wasn't able to place her, I know she left my office better than when she came in (she told me so)!

Sometimes I'm afraid to be brutally honest as I never want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I can't get over how clueless some people can be. YOU ARE YOUR BOOK COVER...I can't say it enough times!!! How you dress for an interview with me, is a clear indication how you will present with the client. Would you go on a date with messy hair or food in your teeth? So why would you come to an interview like that...especially when our "date" has the potential for a better paycheck...

So take a minute to compose yourself before you walk through my door. I'm not looking for designer clothes, salon coiffed hair, or red soled shoes...just someone who takes pride in their presentation...a clear sign that shows you take your search seriously.  You only get one chance to make a first impression and remember employment, unlike love, is NOT blind.

Good Night and Happy Job Hunting,
The Job Yenta

YOU SNOOZE...YOU LOSE

So the other day a candidate was referred to me who had been out of work for two years. A high level executive, the poor guy was a victim of the financial crisis and hasn't been able to get his footing. Recently, he started working for a construction company performing carpentry as needed. I had a client who was looking for a mailroom assistant which was the perfect opportunity to get back into a corporate environment, while maintaining his "handyman" work on the side.

The client quickly picked up on his resume and asked if he could come in the very next day as they were anxious to fill their vacancy. I spoke to the candidate that night and he was ready and excited to nail the interview.

Fast forward twelve hours, and I get an email from the client..."XXXX never showed up..." WHAT???? Are you serious? HE MUST BE DEAD...because if he's not, I'm going to KILL him. SO I quickly call his cell and it goes straight to voicemail. AH...maybe he's stuck in the subway and can't connect to let me know he's going to be late. That HAS to be it. So I proceed to call his phone every 5 minutes, expecting a breathless man to pick up, apologizing for the horrendous transportation system...10 minutes go by; 15; 20...as this point I've emailed him and said, "You better be dead...otherwise, you really F'D up!!!" Finally at 10:30, he calls and tells me that he woke up, got dressed, sat down to relax because he was ready a bit early...and FELL ASLEEP IN HIS SUIT! What a SCHMUCK! Are you serious? Unless you are narcoleptic or drunk, no one falls asleep that quickly after waking up! and in your SUIT...who can sleep with a noose essentially tied around their neck? Normally, I wouldn't believe him, but for some reason I felt bad for this guy. I genuinely thought he made a mistake...unfortunately, my client was not so sympathetic and wouldn't see him.

It's a classic (not to mention literal) case of you snooze...you lose. This was his shot and he blew it. I told my husband (who the candidate was actually referred to) that I felt bad, and he was like, "Why? You didn't f@#$%k up...he did." It's true. Here was his chance to get back out there, which is so hard when you've been out of work for awhile, and he dropped the ball. I mean I'm up at 5am almost every day with my daughter and I manage to stay awake until at LEAST 9:30pm every night...

He must've called me 30 times before the client came back saying she wouldn't see him. He was devastated...but hopefully he'll learn from it...because that's really what you should do. Don't drown yourself in your own misery. Keep your head up and move on. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and at the end of the day, I have NO REGRETS...except that one time in college...

Good night and happy job hunting,
The Job Yenta

GET OFF YOUR F&*(*&*($%$% PHONE

Nothing sends me into a tizzy more then someone who talks on their cell phone in an elevator. While I spend 90 seconds descending floors, I have to hear about your naked evening/one night stand/stomach problems/awful boss...all I want is to enjoy the silence as I try to ignore the stench of your HORRIFIC  perfume. I was a breath away from screaming, "GET OFF YOUR F@#%&*%( PHONE" when the doors opened and out she pranced, horrific fur coat and all.

What has happened to this world? Where's the respect and proper etiquette that used to exist? Are the British Monarchy the only ones that still sip tea with their pinky a fly? Gone are the days of silence is golden, elbows off the table (how can one text without them), long meals and actual conversations. Cell phones have changed our lives whether we like it or not. Just a few weeks ago, a woman was killed by an elevator. She didn't see the "out of service" sign because she was texting as she stepped into it. Up it shot...folding her like a cheap suit, causing her premature demise.

And of course there are those candidates whose cell phones go off during interviews. I'm sorry...but for 60 minutes, there is NO one that NEEDS to get a hold of you. Even if it's your child's school calling to say little Tommy threw up on his teacher and needs to be picked up, they are not going to throw him onto the street...they will keep him safe and sound in the infirmary until you can get him. We are ALL addicted to our phones and unfortunately it doesn't look like there's any rehab in sight.

Apps; text messages; BBM; FACE time...it's virtually (no pun intended) impossible to disconnect yourself from the world. What fun is that...I mean do we really NEED a waterproof cell phone cover so you can take it scuba diving...just in case Warren Buffet calls while you're 20 feet under asking if you want to take over Berkshire Hathaway? I mean c'mon people...let go. Go out. Smell the roses. Enjoy the coffee. Remember what is was like when all that existed were landlines, Atari, AM/FM radio and network television. Life was simple. The Cosby Show made us laugh and my friends made emergency break-throughs because there was no such thing as call waiting.

And to all my job hunters out there...your cell phone is your BEST friend...stay connected; be available to your recruiter or friends helping you with you search. Return messages; respond to texts; don't go MIA. BUT...after you put on your suit, print out your resume and SPIT OUT YOUR GUM...turn off said phone...because no one likes to be interrupted or think that someone or someTHING is more important then they are...especially the person looking to determine your dedication and commitment to their company.

Good night and happy job hunting,
The Job Yenta